Me: I think I’ll order an iPod Nano for my birthday…
Mom: Is that what you use when you don’t have a boyfriend?

Submitted by: Ori

Dad: "If your mom ever wanted to kill me she could totally get away with it."
Mom: "Why do you think I stay up late watching those cold case files on Court T.V.?"

Submitted by: LaLaLauren

Dad to my brother: You should really wash your hair otherwise it’ll be all gross like your sister’s.

Submitted by: Mai

Me to Mom: "So I said, ‘So’s your face!’"
Mom: "Ha ha! Yeah tell him that’s what his mother said! Or…. um…. that’s what his sister said…. wait, is that right?"

Submitted by: Rachel

Dad was lying on his back, then decided to put both arms and legs into the air.
"You know, if I were a dead hamster, I’d look like this!

Submitted by: Dannielle

Dad: "Don’t forget! One sperm can ruin your whole day!"

Submitted by: Prettynpunk

Mom: "Compared to dogs we’re basically blind. You know–nose-blind."

Submitted by: Alison

Mom: The key is to put the mousetraps OUTSIDE, that way the mice don’t come in.

Submitted by: Keeper of the Mom Quotes

Mom: "NO! That pancake mix is for emergencies only!!"

Submitted by: Pancake emergency?

Gram to my brother and his Fiance: "So are you two having sex?"
Brother: "Not that it’s any of your business, but no we aren’t."
Gram: "OHH GOD IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT!"

Submitted by: Christopher Brown